Archive | April 2015

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Marriage In Today’s World

Marriage in Today’s World

In a world where we are suppose to marry and remain married for eternity to one partner, is this a reality or outdated concept?  With the divorce rate rising yearly, the answer appears to be “No”.

“About 70 percent of marriages that began in the 1990s reached their 15th anniversary, up from roughly 65 percent of those that began in the 1970s and 1980s and couples who wed in the 2000s are divorcing at even lower rates.”  NY Times Article

I decided to talk to other couples (“Straight, Gay and Lesbian”) that were married in 1986 like my husband and I. Were they still married today?  The answer was amazing 90% of the couples were still married today, including my husband and I, almost thirty years later. Amazingly during my research I met several couples that were married over fifty years. Wow!

In 1986 “Same Sex” marriages were “Illegal”; many couples had commitment ceremonies, since traditional weddings were not allowed.  Thankfully in 2004 the government ruled it legal to marry a person of the same sex. In 2015 thirty-eight states have same sex marriage laws.

Some people say it is “Wrong”, that the bible forbids same sex marriages, but is this a fact?  Think about it, the bible was created before we had a culture that accepted same-sex relationships, so how could the bible address this subject?  There is even TV. shows on today that have Gay/Lesbian cast members. What a vast improvement from even ten years ago!

A good friend of mine met and fell in love with his same sex partner in 1986; unfortunately they were “forced” to wait over 25 years to be “legally” married once their state accepted same sex marriages in 2013. Other friends I know were “legally” wed earlier this year, after Florida joined the band wagon and accepted same-sex marriages, making it “legal” to marry their partner.

Supposedly Polygamy is also “Wrong”, yet several passages in the bible talk about having more than one wife.  Mormons and people in other countries practice multiple spouse lifestyles. Many families in Utah and other states throughout America live in Polygamist households. Today there are several TV. shows about Polygamist families and their unusual lifestyle.

My hubby and I will be celebrating 29 years of marriage this June, as will our best friends in July. My aunt and uncle were married in May of 1986 and remained married 27 years, until my uncle was “Called Home to the Lord”.  Two of my Facebook friends were also married in 1986 and remain married today. In my research I heard from many couples married 50+ years.

Maybe it was the fact that the man I was raised by, (my grandpa) who was commonly law married to my grandma for twenty plus years, until she passed away Christmas Eve 1986. Or maybe it was my estranged dad and step-mother who were married for thirty-three years, until my dad passed away in April 2013. Or maybe my in-laws who were also married over thirty years, until they passed away 8 weeks apart from each other.  My aunt-uncle was married over forty years, until my uncle passed away November 2009. My best friend aka my sister and brother-in-law were married 37 years until, her passing. The list goes on and on ….. .

Regardless of the type of marriage you have or the year you were married, No marriage is “PERFECT” and “ALL” marriages take “Hard Work and Commitment” to “Succeed”! I’ll be the first to admit my marriage has been a roller coaster that has taken us to the “devil’s playground” and up to the top of the “Empire State Building”, through it all we stood strong and fought to remain together, through the bad, good, ugly and in between. That is called Marriage!

There is no one answer as to why marriages from 1986 lasted longer than other years, maybe it was commitment, maybe religious beliefs, maybe luck, or NO Social Media/ Cell Phones.

No-one really knows for sure….

Interestingly though, most couples married in 1986 are still married today!

My advice to couples everywhere ….

  1. Communication
  2. Trust
  3. Friendship
  4. Commitment
  5. Share you lives together
  6. Support each other
  7. Make time for each other on a daily basis
  8. Love with your heart
  9. Continue to date, even after marriage
  10. Stay strong and devoted to your marriage

A quote from one of my Facebook friends: “Mr. and Mrs. Doug Rice are still married today. They are over 90 years old and have been married since they were 18.”

Are multiple partner marriages the answer to a successful marriage? Is Polygamy the answer or is Monogamy the answer? There is no correct answer it today’s world!

Marriage requires COMMITMENT and HARD WORK to be a SUCCESSFUL!

It Takes Three ….. Must Read

It Takes Three

Growing up we are led to believe there is one “Soul Mate” for each of us and when we find the one “special person” to marry, it is for a lifetime. We are taught through reading the bible, society, and our families, a marriage is supposed to be monogamist. A couple that marries straight, gay, lesbian or bi-sexual is expected to remain faithful to their spouse until death tears them apart. Is this a realistic idea or is it something good in theory but nearly impossible in reality?  Can a person truly be faithful 100% to their partner for possibly 75 years? Technically faithfully means, not looking at porn or other humans of either sex, no texting or using social media to flirt or hook up with others (innocently or not), no sexting and no flirting.

Are these demands logical? Can a person really commit to one person for a lifetime and truly have all their needs met by that one partner? Some say “yes”, though the divorce and infidelity rates show otherwise. Would marriages be more successful, if we had multiple partners?

If for example a couple is happy in every aspect of their marriage, but the bedroom, should they divorce or should the person not getting their needs met, get them met elsewhere. I don’t promote cheating, however if the couple honestly knows there is an issue in the bedroom that can not be fixed, is it wrong to openly agree to add a partner to the marriage to fill the void? In a committed otherwise happy marriage, if sex is the only issue and both partners are truthful, having the bedroom needs met elsewhere could be a healthy resolution.

Consider a couple who has been in a long term committed and happy marriage, when a partner   has a stroke or an accident leaving them unable to perform sexually, should the marriage end because the disabled partner can NO longer satisfy their partner in bed? Or should the person be allowed to have their needs met by someone else (with their partner’s knowledge), while they remain in their happy and committed marriage?

In my experience talking to men and women of all ages, races, religions, straight and same sex couples….. Bedroom issues and faithfulness are the two biggest complaints.

I personally think polygamy should be legal, as it was in past times. Not cults or dictatorship type relationships, but committed, loving, trusting relationship where all the partners have all their needs met from the other partners in the relationship. Regardless of what the need is, emotional, financial, sexually or maybe even educational.

Many believe it takes three partners to completely fulfill one person’s needs. This is not to say one person can’t do all these things, or meet multiple needs of their partner, rather it is hard to do for a lifetime. Why does it require three people to complete one person successfully?

Every person male or female needs to feel wanted needed and respected! They want to feel loved, safe and secure. They want to have their sexually desires and needs met in a safe, loving and committed relationship. They want someone to communicate with, that will listen to their wants, needs and desires, without tearing them down or ridicule them. They want a partner who is trustworthy and honest. They want a partner they can build a strong foundation with emotionally, financially, sexually and that can last a lifetime.

Can all these requirements be met by one individual on a 24/7 basis for a lifetime?

The “politically correct” answer is “yes”, however reality proves otherwise.

History indicates couples need more than one partner to successfully fulfill their basic needs, wants and desires. Humans are the only bred in the world where monogamy is expected.

We have multiple cars, houses, jobs, kids, pets, outfits, bank accounts, meals… the list goes on and on, yet couples (humans) are expected to live a lifetime with just one mate. Not even animals live by this rule. Is polygamy the answer? Maybe it is!

It Takes Three….

  1. A person to meet Emotional Needs
  2. A person to meet Financial Needs
  3. A person to meet Sexual Needs

Those of you, who know the author of this piece, know she doesn’t live a traditional lifestyle. She chooses to live a controversial lifestyle, while being in a committed marriage. For her this works… her marriage was a roller coaster from the start, but the couple remained faithfully committed to one another, through financial difficulties, homelessness, starvation, major illnesses, deaths of family members and much more….

During their 3 decade long marriage there were many happy times, but these happy times were often bull dozed away by the monumental issues that plagued their marriage from the being. From drug addiction to medical and financial issues, they fought hard to keep their marriage together. In their late years of marriage the couple found happiness together again.

Throughout the 3 decade long marriage, bedroom fun was non-existent, though the couple remained together. One partner secretly wished to add another partner to the marriage.  Unfortunately laws in America prohibit this type of committed relationship. Sadly this couple must choose to live in an unfulfilled marriage, because marriage is suppose to be monogamist. People around the world deal with this situation daily, is it fair?

I can openly and honestly say my heart belongs to more than one man for eternity and YES both men know and accept that fact! Does that mean I’m unfaithful?  NO!

The truth seems evident, if we had multiple partners in a committed relationship, all the needs of all parties concerned would be fulfilled and more marriages would survive!